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    6/8/2008

    one film

     
     
    03年犬童一心的作品。在我看来,是日本青春片里最优秀的一部。因为它的残酷是真真切切,唯独最后一秒才能感受到之前所有的平静所反衬得到的现实。
     
    无能为力。对于我们的青春,对于我们的爱情。
     
    这位喜欢用平静简单的故事来包装残酷现实的梦想家,骗足的不仅是我的眼泪。
     
    JOSE、老虎与鱼。
     
    June 8th 2008
    6/5/2008

    独占与分享

     
    Henry Miller曾经这么写到,“很大程度上,我们的痛苦来源于没能把世界看成一个巨大的子宫。”上个周末在一次有趣的聚会上,有人转过身来问我,你是否是一个同性恋者?我对于这个可爱的问题作出了形式上的解释,事实上,我们每个人都在追求着精神上的同性恋爱,与生理上的异性追求。并且这种分裂的起源可能要追溯到我们仍是处在子宫中的状态,引用福柯的观念是,由于存在温度的差异,男性胚胎往往处于子宫的右面,更靠近肝脏、温度更高的地方,而女性胚胎则处于左边,一个相对而言不是那么剧烈和冲动的场所。这决定了两性之间在成长中性格上的不同性征表现,我称之为独占与分享。
     
    David Lynch在《Blue Velvet(蓝丝绒)》中布置了这样一个充满情色挑逗的场景,Dennis Hopper饰演的男主角用近似命令的口吻让女主角摆出生产时的姿势,并且同时假装自己就是刚出生的婴儿,在半窒息且精神分裂的状态中,试图完成由女性的生殖器而回到母亲子宫的过程。昏暗的场景,毫无暴露的侧面拍摄手法,Dennis Hopper时而喃喃如幼儿时而狂怒而凶残的两面性代表了男性典型的性心理症结。渴望回到母体,并且渴望独自占有。对于子宫的膜拜,大概是从仍是胚胎期便开始形成,如果男性胚胎果真处于子宫更温暖的右侧,那他们在被诞生下来的那一天,经过狭隘的生殖器通道,经历压迫紧张寒冷这些所谓的出生创伤后,他们天生的不安全感在瞬间被烙印在了第一声的啼哭中。而究其一生便是渴望再次回到子宫温暖的右侧怀抱,这也逐渐表现了他们成年后对两性关系上的态度,男性同时扮演着小孩和父权的角色,他们渴望得到温暖得到被爱的虚荣,而又因为强烈的不安全感,使他们表现出暴戾性,独占是他们唯一想要获得的感受。
     
    恰恰独占又是难以达到的,这在慢慢地长期的痛苦过程中渐渐地转移成了Freud所说的移情。将回归母体的感官情感转移至恋物至上的心理情感,在侯麦的《克拉之膝》中,男人迷恋的是女孩克拉的膝盖,他的这种迷恋近似疯狂,于是他想尽一切办法终于支走了克拉的男友,得偿所愿地抚摸了克拉的膝盖。移情总是一种变相极端的性心理表现,用一种类似肉体又不是肉体的方式,来满足自身对于个人心理某种完满的需求。
     
    而女性对于母体的回归则没有表现出太多的独占欲,在我理解中,女性的性心理从某种程度上而言可为是一种分享的过程。她们渴望得到性经验,但她们又希望与同性分享这一切,她们在镜中看见彼此,她们比男性更容易信任彼此,所以她们更愿意作为double life of Veronica的形式出现。相对于温暖的右侧子宫,在左侧生长的女性更容易在现实生活中寻找温暖。比较《Henry and June》中的Annis和June这对传奇的双性恋情人,她们对彼此间的理解和爱,甚于她们同一个男性情人Henry Miller,电影中,在喧闹的小酒吧里,Annis冷冷地看着Henry说,Henry,you may have genius and passion,but something is definitely missing. Compassion.(亨利,你或许拥有才华和激情,但是你少了至关重要的一样,那就是同情。)三者的关系再明显不过,男性作为桥梁搭建了女性通往精神自由的方式,女性通过男性的回归母体方式来认清自己的真实面目,男性的独占欲充满了专横和暴力,同情这种感情是他们缺失,并且永远缺失的,因为他们无法理解出生的创伤不仅仅是处于他们的身上,也同时处于作为母体的女性身上。记得June带Annis去跳舞,她们脸上暧昧而亲昵的表情,尽管充满了情欲,但却显得如此温柔而纯洁。June告诉Annis她的过去,她说是下流龌龊的过去,但在Annis的看来却是再纯洁无比,她说,you were innocent,I want to be innocent like you,I want to experience everything you have experienced.这样的情感也带到了后来Annis在同性恋俱乐部中观看女同的表演,她对扮演男性角色的女人说,stop pretending to be a man, just a woman, woman to woman.简单的同性关系可以这么解释,要求分享,并且善意。而在另一部《Hilary and Jackie(她比烟花更寂寞)》中,Jackie开玩笑地跟姐姐Hilary说,I want to sleep with Kiffer.You don't mind,do you,sis? We always did say that we'd share everything.
     
    而在特吕弗的《Jules et Jim》中则描述了女子愿意被分享的过程,她同时爱着两个男子Jules and Jim,他们三个彼此都是最好的朋友,但是她不愿意放弃任何一个,她愿意让他们共同分享她,当男人的独占欲越来越不能容忍这种分享的过程时,女人开着车从一个男人的面前带着另一个男人纵身跃下山崖。有趣的是这三部电影的名字都是以三角关系中的两者名字所起,Henry and June, Hilary and Jackie, Jules and Jim, 省略掉的第三者都是那个或是分享或是被分享的核心体,分享将简单的情感传达出去,它与独占的关键区别在于同情,所以显得更加简单并且温暖。
     
    那天和julien聊起,我说,如果男性渴望回归母体,那么女性可以回归哪里呢?他说,受精卵。是的,受精卵,然后才能重新选择更加温暖的右侧着床。可是,哪怕就这世界就有如巨大的子宫,我们仍旧感到母体的压迫与焦虑。与其说成为天生具有不安全感的男子,还不如就此与身边的她共同分享一个男人后的窃窃私语。
     
    June 5th 2008
    6/2/2008

    想起

     
    这是一个梦。
     
    我称它为现在时,因为它始终存在于我的脑海里,并不着急去解答。
    如果只给我一次选择的机会,我仍旧会这么做。迈出第一步的时候就已经知道,我想要的自由,该用怎样的方式书写。
     
    有些事现在不做,就一辈子不会去做了。
    所以,爱与孤独,是唯一会陪伴我一生的两样东西。所以,需要不带任何杂念,出发去远方,这是我唯一没有改变的。
    梦想。
     
    去一个能看得见海的地方,养一个孩子,给他安宁,给他简单。
     
    我喜欢这部电影。陈怀恩的《练习曲》,说一个孤独而善良的孩子,带着吉他,带着单车,开始他的环岛旅程。
    一路的大海,一路的陌生笑脸,一路的孤单,也是一路的爱。
    而这些,我也独自做过。如果你也如此。
     
    你会明白。
     
     
    我曾在这里,停下我的单车,看见这里的海,一如我的内心。
     
    June 2nd 2008
    6/1/2008

    he said

     
     
    natural blessing sun   Vincent Van Gogh
    may all beings be filled with peace and love; may no harm befall any being 
     
    June 1st 2008
    5/31/2008

    the tree, hurts me

     
     
    At the moment I am absorbed in the blooming fruit trees, pink peach trees, yellow-white pear trees. My brush stroke has no system at all. I hit the canvas with irregular touches of the brush, which I leave as they are. Patches of thickly laid-on colour, spots of canvas left uncovered, here and there portions that are left absolutely unfinished, repetitions, savageries; in short, I am inclined to think that the result is so disquieting and irritating as to be a godsend to those people who have fixed preconceived ideas about technique... In short, my dear comrade, in no case an eye-deceiving job.
     
    Van Gogh  February 1888
     
    PINK PEACH TREES by my dearest Vincent Van Gogh
     
    May 31th 2008
    5/30/2008

    最后

     
    原来我已经二十四岁半了。
     
    从前的日记本,在我翻出一堆旧物时悄无声息地再次回到我的手边。最后一个字写下的时间是零五年的一月二十日。记下的是一条当年的短消息,他说,原来你已经二十一周岁啦?不是再次看到,我早已忘记。我们曾经还有那么温柔的时刻。
     
    时间带走了一切悲伤与绝望,直到我再次看见它们当年的影子,像是无声无息追随而来的忧伤,淹没了我整个或是快乐或是不快乐的命中注定。是人,造就了这一切,或者也是我,选择了我以为的人生。
     
    对于过去是看不清的,哪怕记下了当时的心情,如今也只记得彼此的伤痕。我写下的那些文字让我了解一些真相,一些我刻意回避然后再自我虚构的真实存在,就像是休谟的不可知论,我以为我能理解的只有我的内心,我以为在外的一切都是可以随时消失,它们或是我的饥渴,或是我的欲望,偏袒了那些海市蜃楼,隐藏了骄傲之后的无奈。
     
    然而我已经二十四岁半了,却愈发地感觉自身的强烈否定,我对自我的理解,由于人,由于事,在不停地作着修正,但却在看似正确的偏颇中,手持怀疑者的说谎笑容,因为一切怀疑皆是谎言。不能去说它,不能去碰它,怀疑让我们的形象消损,让我们的心智愈发丑陋,如果不再相信一切,也就不会再有一切,如果一切都是谎言,甚至包括这世界。
     
    因为我们越接近想往的东西,我们的智力越是深沉,记忆再也无法追溯它的痕迹。
     
    我只留下这么多。给我自己。
     
    有一天,我终于相信,你有爱过我。只是也只是爱过。
     
    May 30th 2008
    5/23/2008

    here

     
    so,so you think you can tell heaven from hell,
    blue skies from pain.
    can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
    a smile from a veil?
    do you think you can tell?

    and did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
    hot ashes for trees?
    hot air for a cool breeze?
    cold comfort for change?
    and did you exchange
    a walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

    how i wish,how i wish you were here.
    we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
    year after year,
    running over the same old ground.
    what have we found?
    the same old fears,
    wish you were here.
     
    一首,一首听了很多年的歌。因为最后的一段歌词时常不能自已。
    Pink Floyd的wish you were here,但偏爱的版本是Thom Yorke和spaklehorse翻唱的这个。
    and...
    wish you were here, I wanna say it to you, the two lost souls with the same old fears.
    wish you were here, here.
    near or far, now or future.
     
    May 23th 2008
    5/20/2008

    Historical Tremors

     
    Historical Tremors    
    By Simon Winchester
    Published: May 15, 2008
    THE NEW YORK TIMES
     
     
    IT is a cruel and poignant certainty that the children who died in the wreckage of their school during the earthquake this week in Dujiangyan, China, knew all too well that their country once led the world in the knowledge of the planet’s seismicity.

    They would have been taught, and proudly, that almost 2,000 years ago an astronomer named Chang Heng invented the world’s first seismoscope. It was a bizarrely imagined creation, with its centerpiece a large bronze vessel surrounded by eight dragons, each holding a sphere in its mouth.

    A complex system of internal levers ensured that if an earthquake ever disturbed the vessel, a ball would drop from a dragon’s care into the mouth of a bronze frog positioned underneath. By observing which dragon had dropped its ball, Chang Heng could ascertain the location of the quake. And always, as the emperor for whom Chang Heng fashioned the device noted, the earthquakes came from the mountains in the west, where Dujiangyan lies.

    As we watch with mounting melancholy the devastation from Sichuan, a question lingers, and troublingly. Why, if the Chinese had come to know so much about earthquakes so early on in their immensely long history, were they never able to minimize the effects of the world’s contortions — to at least the degree that America has? Why did they leave the West to become leaders in the field, and leave themselves to become mired, time and again, in the kind of tragic events that we are witnessing this week?

    The question applies to very much more than the science of earthquakes. In almost every area of technology the Chinese were once supreme, without competition. The stirrup, so hugely important in peace and war, was invented by the Chinese. Printing, gunpowder, the use of the compass — the three inventions that Francis Bacon once said defined the modern world — are all thought to have been first made in China. So too, many think, were vaccination, toilet paper, segmental arch bridges, iron chains and perhaps chess — the list seems endless.

    And yet, in the 16th century China’s innovative energies inexplicably withered away, and modern science became the virtual monopoly of the West. There had been any number of Chinese Euclids and Archimedes but there was never to be a Chinese Newton or Galileo. The realm fell steadily behind, century by century; it became impoverished, backward and prey to the caprices of nature.

    There is a peculiar paradox in the Sichuan disaster. Dujiangyan is known across the nation as the site of one of China’s greatest ancient wonders. In 256 B.C. an engineer named Li Bing, concerned about the catastrophic annual flooding of the Min River, completed a huge water diversion and irrigation scheme. It involved cutting a long trench through a granite mountainside — achieved by the patient process of burning grass bonfires on top of the rocks and pouring cold water until the granite cracked. It took decades, but Li Bing’s 2,300-year-old project still stands less than a mile from the town’s ruined school, and it still works.

    And yet, did the Chinese continue with their early expertise in flood prevention? Just as with Chang Heng’s seismic mastery, Li Bing’s expertise counted for nothing; year upon year, thousands of Chinese die in immense inundations in the great rivers that course across the country; some 400 dams sustained damage in this week’s quake.

    Historians have long debated why the Chinese so signally failed to exploit their early promise. Lack of internal competition, some suggest. Others blame the long-held central ambition of every young Chinese man to become a Confucian mandarin, a bureaucrat, rather than an engineer or scientist.

    Not a few others, however — admirers of China and optimists in the main — say that in the long sweep of Chinese history, a mere 400 or 500 dark, non-scientific years are a mere blip, a hiccup, and that China’s innovative energies are now roaring back, with the universities and scientific institutions brimming as they did back in the golden ages of the great dynasties.

    That had better be the case. China, in its headlong attempts to modernize, has often demonstrated a dismayingly cavalier attitude toward the well-being of its people: skyscrapers are built with little attention to safety standards and are invariably far from earthquake-resistant; huge dams — not least the monstrosity that has so ruined the Three Gorges of the Yangtze — are erected in a slapdash fashion; subways, like the system burrowing through the waterlogged alluvium beneath Shanghai, are built with incautious haste; freeway tunnels are bored through earthquake fault zones.

    If the country does not occasionally stand back and pause for breath, then its future — at least so far as nature’s occasional moments of seismic madness are concerned — will continue to be marked by calamity. Until this week Dujiangyan was a place of which China could be proud; today its wreckage stands as a tragic monument to a culture that turned its back on its remarkable and glittering history.

    Simon Winchester is the author of “The Man Who Loved China.”
    May 20th 2008
    5/13/2008

    流年

     
    我所有的消息来源皆从朋友那获知,或是看他们写或是听他们说。有一瞬间,有一个感觉就出现在我心里,collapse,可以解释为物质上的,也可以解释为精神上的,找不到合适的中文解释,但就是如此直接的方式。
     
    早晨四点驱车前往浦东时,我看见朝阳。暗橙红色的火球,在离地面一米左右处挣扎,带有某种无力的匮乏。四周空无一人,光线没有温度,大地还未反射,与落日比起,这只是一片死寂沉沉。
     
    这像是一个死城。
     
    下午四点时,我看见有朋友写,“汶川地震震中地区仍有6万人杳无音讯”。6万人,基本上该生还的也已生还。而汶川,或许已经成为一个死城。无法得知救援者进入震区后将会面对怎样骇人的情景,但此刻Silent Hill里的某些片段却闪现于我的记忆。我感觉恐惧。
     
    与自然比起,人的力量不过如一尘埃。人的生命不过如一瞬息。
     
    突然感觉可悲。对于我们,无论是在穷其一身追逐名利,或是求其精神世界的极致,最后不过都两手空空,葬于死城,或早或晚。
     
    有一种回到乱世的错觉。然后明白一切都不再重要,此刻仅想和我所在乎的人们在一起,勿再生离死别,那就是最好。
     

     
    三十六个小时后,进展仍旧局限。中国政府此次的应急预案尽管仍见其脆弱,但已是尽力。
     
    令人感觉可怜的是,为什么这一天MSN上却如此冷清,没有了前阵那股狂热的爱心潮。这一点貌似是在对上海这个惟我是利的地方,给了个合理的解释。
     
    没有热闹可以看。pls take action.
     
    May 13th 2008
    5/6/2008

    Damien's shark

     
    我仍能清楚记得看到[The Physical Impossibility Of Death In the Mind Of Someone Living]的心情。一条悬浮于福尔马林中的虎鲨尸体标本,蓝色的液体伪装成海洋的颜色,似乎只有时间是静止的,而虎鲨仍然继续生活着遨游。这件当代艺术作品有个让人很难忘记的中文名字,生者对死者的无动于衷。
     
    我想,那一刻我并没有完全地无动于衷。也许还有点畏惧。
     
    两年后,Damien Hirst的这条价值一千万美金的鲨鱼开始腐烂。它不再假装仍是活着的无动于衷,而是逐渐露出狰狞的肉与骨,于是人们推三阻四,相继嘲笑,似乎看到了本世纪最有趣的一个笑话。他们怀着对Damien Hirst过人才华的嫉妒,争相奔走相告这条逐渐瓦解的一千万童话。
     
    于是,Damien Hirst决定重新做一条鲨鱼,来代替这条使他蒙羞的失败品。
     
    然后所有的舆论就在新的鲨鱼入水时变得平息。
     
    整件事情如此讽刺而可悲地呼应了他自己给起的名字,生者对死者的无动于衷。
     
    我想起日本那部著名的电影《下水道人鱼》。也许Damien Hirst应该让他的鲨鱼和下水道人鱼一样有自主选择腐烂的权利。这样我们对死者的纪念就不仅仅在于对它们的利用。可是很巧合地是,这部闹剧的产生而正是为了阐述人类对于一切的无动于衷。
     
    所以整部作品其实是由两部分组成的。一条旧的和一条新的。当然这只是我的个人小小看法。
     
    网上的照片一搜都可以看到。所以我贴一张比较可爱的。
     
     
    Damien Hirst in front of Hirst's Shark Tank, The Little Artists 戴高出品
     
    May 6th 2008
    5/5/2008

    我所爱的台湾indie

     
    准备收拾一切入睡时,耳边传来轻慢慢的吉他声,于是想起来了那些我所喜爱的台湾小电影和小乐队们。
    它们共同的调调就是忧伤。止不住的青春忧伤,淡淡而真切。
    也或许,是我始终拖住了青春的尾巴,不肯让它就这样离我而去。
     
     
    少年不戴花
    导演:蔡辰书
    上映年度:2007
     
     
    爱丽丝的镜子
    导演:姚宏易
    上映年度:2005
     
     
    经过
    导演:郑文堂
    上映年度:2004
     
     
    夏天的尾巴
    导演:郑文堂
    上映年度:2007
     
     
    练习曲
    导演:陈怀恩
    上映年度:2007
     
     
    去旅行/ 丝袜小姐
    出版者:村山小学福利社
    出版时间:2007
     
     
    是谁/ 这位太太
    出版者:喜马拉雅
    出版时间:2007
     
     
    冬凉夏暖/ Torte Bus
    出版时间:2006
     
     
    Finders Keepers/ 8mm sky
    出版者:默契音乐
    出版时间:2006
     
     
    夏天的尾巴OST
    出版者:小白兔橘子有限公司
    出版时间:2007
     
     
    拼/ 夏卡毛乐团
    出版者:蜜蜂工坊
    出版时间:2006
     
    May 5th 2008
    5/4/2008

    选择

     
    十年后,我再次站在这片土地上。是一种莫名的忧伤。
    青草仍在初夏安静的风里倔强得郁郁葱葱,十七岁的少年在我的不远方独自沉默。
    有一种流逝发生在片刻之间,过去了便不再回来。
    我看见这种影子在我身上逐渐消退。
    我慢慢走近他。我看见他的背影。
    在夜晚八点的昏暗校园里。
    他挺直的脊梁背,白色的衬衫,站在百米终点线的铁栏上。
    很瘦。像一尊雕塑。看不见他的目光。
     
    我光脚站在草地上。及脚裸的棉布长裙被风吹散。
    我想走到他的身边,慢慢地坐下,听他说话。哪怕仍只是沉默。
    如果我仍是十年前在读初中的女孩。
    黑暗中,过去的记忆片段不明缘由地向我撞来。
    然后再次消失。
     
    给亲爱的你。
    那时你剪着很短的发。爱在操场上奔跑,爱和男孩子争执,还爱哭。
    你记得操场的西南角还留有的那个防空洞,你爱从后面那棵粗壮的老槐树上翻出学校的围墙。
    你记得后面有条细细的河流,河岸两边是夏天厚重的树叶与蝉声。
    你总在远远处看着你喜欢的男孩子,你没有勇气走上前对他说话,但你却清楚他脸上的每一个神情。
    你记得他白色的衬衫与干净利落的短发,以及他烙印在你心里始终灿烂如也的微笑。
    你爱过这里的一切,但你却选择了离开。在它们开得最美的时候。
    留在了心里。
     
     
    给亲爱的你,这是我曾经拥有过的一切快乐与忧伤的开始。
     
    May 4th 2008
    4/26/2008

    Heraclitus

     
    残篇18
     
    如果没有预期那预料之外的事,就不能发现(它),因为它难于发现也难于对付。
     
    If <he> doesn't expect <the> unexpected, <he>will not discover <it>; for <it> is difficult to discover and intractable.
     
    残篇45
     
    即使穿越每一条路,人也永远不能发现灵魂的边界——它拥有的范围如此之深广。
     
    One would never discover the limits of soul, should one traverse every road —— so deep a measure does it possess.
     
    残篇77
     
    [这就是为何赫拉克利特说]对于灵魂而言,变得潮湿即是快乐或者死亡。[在别处他说,]我们经历他们的死,它们也经历我们的死。
     
    [Which is why Heraclitus said that] for souls it is joy or death to become wet. [Elsewhere he says that] we live their death and they live our death.
     
    残篇84a
     
    它在变化之中休止。
     
    While changing it rests.
     
    残篇85
     
    (<人的>心灵)难与激情搏斗,因为它以灵魂购买所欲。
     
    It is difficult to fight passion (<one's> heart), for whatever it wishes it buys at the price of soul.
     

     
    整本书里,留心的是这五句。恰如我最近的心情。冷眼观望,人间喧嚣。
     
    Apr.26th 2008
    4/23/2008

    beautiful moment

     
    下班后,看<鼠疫>前,与秋一路闲逛,硬是买下了一件火红火红的丝棉上衣。在镜中,我那始终不肯剪去的长长卷发恰如其氛地搭在了这露出大片锁骨的领口上,上面细密绣出的花朵,似有一种无法言说的散漫与不羁,是见着的那一刻就不肯再褪下。我转身对秋说,这是有了舒淇的感觉。于是那一瞬间总算明白了为何始终不愿意跟随着身边越来越多的人去应着那短发的热,原来这理由不算新也不算旧,喜欢一个人,从骨子里喜欢她,就照着她的样子给自己上了框。
     
    喜欢那些剪着短发性格张扬的女子,但远远看着就好,不愿意成为那样一个人,二十岁之前的我曾也剪过无比短的发戴着副墨镜招摇过市,但也仅限于那时,或许成长的一种方式就是开始内省和自觉,坚定地明白自己想要什么,所以不愿意成为Andy Warhol的雀西女孩。
     
    舒淇始终是我最喜欢的女性演员。大概是性格的缘故,我始终做不得一个尖锐的人,骨子里有保守的因素,见着生人会怕,见着镜头会躲。想起她也是,不够优雅,也不够张扬,但却总有看不尽的美,如是美酒入错了瓶,却有千翻醉。她的一句再也不用那么辛苦了,曾让我好心痛。时间总能让一个人变得成熟,似乎在《色情男女》里还是稚嫩得不行的她,到了侯孝贤的角色里,已是开得无比绚烂。我一直觉得舒淇是懂得人间疾苦的女子,大起大落,被人唾弃过,也被人抬举过,所以明白名利声望不过随波逐流。相对而言,特立独行并不难,而难的是如何放低姿态,隐忍而坚持。
     
    晚上回来时,路过街角的报亭,看见最新一期的ELLE大幅登着她一脸的笑容。就这么个简单的懂得爱与理想的女孩,就算没有人疼惜,她也照样活得如此美丽。
     
     
     
    Apr.23th 2008
    4/18/2008

    原因

     
    总有一些事情是不需要原因的。比如明天源深体育场的演唱会。所以我放弃了同时段的其他或者更值得去听的。从来没有犹豫过,也许只是因为曾经十七岁一整个夏天的迷恋。我总是一个很恋旧的人,对于生命之初留下的感情痕迹总会小心翼翼地收藏。十七岁,因为他,而迷恋上了rock这种暴力的玩意。他的美丽、善良、真挚、执着、乐观、对梦想的坚持与不懈,也塑造了我如今的倔强。
     
    明天去看他。也许会是我最快乐的事。
     
     
     
    Apr.18th 2008
    4/14/2008

    China's Loyal Youth

     
    很好的一篇文章,转自昨天的纽约时报。有点嘲讽,有点偏激,但也有点真实。

     

    China’s Loyal Youth

    By MATTHEW FORNEY
    Published: April 13, 2008

    MANY sympathetic Westerners view Chinese society along the lines of what they saw in the waning days of the Soviet Union: a repressive government backed by old hard-liners losing its grip to a new generation of well-educated, liberal-leaning sophisticates. As pleasant as this outlook may be, it’s naïve. Educated young Chinese, far from being embarrassed or upset by their government’s human-rights record, rank among the most patriotic, establishment-supporting people you’ll meet.

    As is clear to anyone who lives here, most young ethnic Chinese strongly support their government’s suppression of the recent Tibetan uprising. One Chinese friend who has a degree from a European university described the conflict to me as “a clash between the commercial world and an old aboriginal society.” She even praised her government for treating Tibetans better than New World settlers treated Native Americans.

    It’s a rare person in China who considers the desires of the Tibetans themselves. “Young Chinese have no sympathy for Tibet,” a Beijing human-rights lawyer named Teng Biao told me. Mr. Teng — a Han Chinese who has offered to defend Tibetan monks caught up in police dragnets — feels very alone these days. Most people in their 20s, he says, “believe the Dalai Lama is trying to split China.”

    Educated young people are usually the best positioned in society to bridge cultures, so it’s important to examine the thinking of those in China. The most striking thing is that, almost without exception, they feel rightfully proud of their country’s accomplishments in the three decades since economic reforms began. And their pride and patriotism often find expression in an unquestioning support of their government, especially regarding Tibet.

    The most obvious explanation for this is the education system, which can accurately be described as indoctrination. Textbooks dwell on China’s humiliations at the hands of foreign powers in the 19th century as if they took place yesterday, yet skim over the Cultural Revolution of the 1960s and ’70s as if it were ancient history. Students learn the neat calculation that Chairman Mao’s tyranny was “30 percent wrong,” then the subject is declared closed. The uprising in Tibet in the late 1950s, and the invasion that quashed it, are discussed just long enough to lay blame on the “Dalai clique,” a pejorative reference to the circle of advisers around Tibet’s spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama.

    Then there’s life experience — or the lack of it — that might otherwise help young Chinese to gain a perspective outside the government’s viewpoint. Young urban Chinese study hard and that’s pretty much it. Volunteer work, sports, church groups, debate teams, musical skills and other extracurricular activities don’t factor into college admission, so few participate. And the government’s control of society means there aren’t many non-state-run groups to join anyway. Even the most basic American introduction to real life — the summer job — rarely exists for urban students in China.

    Recent Chinese college graduates are an optimistic group. And why not? The economy has grown at a double-digit rate for as long as they can remember. Those who speak English are guaranteed good jobs. Their families own homes. They’ll soon own one themselves, and probably a car too. A cellphone, an iPod, holidays — no problem. Small wonder the Pew Research Center in Washington described the Chinese in 2005 as “world leaders in optimism.”

    As for political repression, few young Chinese experience it. Most are too young to remember the Tiananmen massacre of 1989 and probably nobody has told them stories. China doesn’t feel like a police state, and the people young Chinese read about who do suffer injustices tend to be poor — those who lost homes to government-linked property developers without fair compensation or whose crops failed when state-supported factories polluted their fields.

    Educated young Chinese are therefore the biggest beneficiaries of policies that have brought China more peace and prosperity than at any time in the past thousand years. They can’t imagine why Tibetans would turn up their noses at rising incomes and the promise of a more prosperous future. The loss of a homeland just doesn’t compute as a valid concern.

    Of course, the nationalism of young Chinese may soften over time. As college graduates enter the work force and experience their country’s corruption and inefficiency, they often grow more critical. It is received wisdom in China that people in their 40s are the most willing to challenge their government, and the Tibet crisis bears out that observation. Of the 29 ethnic-Chinese intellectuals who last month signed a widely publicized petition urging the government to show restraint in the crackdown, not one was under 30.

    Barring major changes in China’s education system or economy, Westerners are not going to find allies among the vast majority of Chinese on key issues like Tibet, Darfur and the environment for some time. If the debate over Tibet turns this summer’s contests in Beijing into the Human Rights Games, as seems inevitable, Western ticket-holders expecting to find Chinese angry at their government will instead find Chinese angry at them.

    Matthew Forney, a former Beijing bureau chief for Time, is writing a book about raising his family in China.

    Apr.14th 2008

    4/10/2008

    四月的天

     
    庄偏爱女子的歌,而我却爱着那些英伦的小乐队,随手拿来便能听出一把忧伤,湿漉漉的,见不着阳光。正因为如此,所以也染上了偏爱苍白肤色男孩子的恶习,记忆中第一个是叫做莲见的十三岁少年,他沉默地坐在夕阳都快消尽的教室走廊上的镜头,那个背影成为了我二十岁之前的一个心病。
     
    庄去了北京,有她自己想去见的人。而我闷坐在电脑前,解着如何也解不开的郁结。所以拖了九点多的时光,国泰电影院最晚场电影总成了最后救赎我的地方。seawaver对我说,春天时常会忧郁。私以为如此。于是在100分钟满满当当的史前一万年后,我却认为看到了真实的猛犸象而高兴不已。
     
    只不过回来后却拾到了这张好听的碟。一如那些Britpop的美丽。
     
     
    <lowly>
    Monarch
    2007-10
    Northern Record
     
    偏爱的是第九首歌,save your。
     
    If I'm gone, I'm sure you will win
    All my life I've been afraid
    Tell me I'll be safe
     
    相比较而言,not sure的电子味浓了点,但是比起save your的大张幅忧伤,这掺入了电子旋律的调子,更适合夜晚来听。
     
    而四月总让人感觉焦躁。
     
    Apr.10th 2008
    4/9/2008

    Savio's Sprit

     
    如果谁要为Mario Savio当年那场影响了大半个世纪的演讲拍一部电影,我感兴趣的并不是导演会是帮Bob Dylan拍过传记的Todd Haynes还是同属于那个年代尽管已经辞世的Sergio Leone,而是谁会挑起这个角色。但恐怕若是看过1964年12月2日当天的演讲现场后,仍想挑战这一角色的话,似乎需要的是要比当年Savio开口说出第一个字更多的勇气。是的,没有人会比Savio是他自己更好的演员。
     
    如果仅从一个女性的角度而言,身处当时的情景,很容易就会爱上了这个漂亮而充满愤慨的22岁青年,至少我是的。这是无容置疑的,因为他集合了年轻女子对一个男子的全部追求,英俊、气质、理想主义、和不经意流露出的不屑与骄傲,他的魅力在于他习惯性皱起的眉头,上一刻还是诚挚而忧郁的眼神,下一刻即为狂风骇浪般的谴责,而他那一身看上去永远都不会过时的西装,恰如其分地映衬出他在那个年代异于常人的鬼才。
     
    但这些都不是最重要的,无论是在1964年,还是在2008年。如果你能仔细地听懂这个青年的每一句言语,就会不得不佩服他,那些语言的犀利,真真切切地击中了人类最为浅薄而无所得知的要害,一种逐渐瓦解的自我意识。他说:“今天美国最激动人心的事情就是改变美国,我们整天为之焦虑的‘未来’和‘职业’正占据着我们智力和道德的荒芜地带。”“机器运转起来是如此丑恶。你要让自己躺在这个机器的齿轮、车轮、杠杆或是任何一种零件上。你要让它停止运作。你要告诉那些运转这台机器的人、拥有这台机器的人。除非你是自由的,否则这台机器将永远无法正常运转。”
     
    我在四十四年后这个刮着六级大风的下午,却感觉Mario Savio,他所曾经为之挣扎为之努力的局面,却在我的身边不知不觉悄悄地蔓延开来。人们永远都不会知道自己曾经为之失去过什么,除非直至一无所有。
     
     Mario Savio, leader of the Student's Free Speech Movement of U.C.Berkeley, leads several thousand students in an invasion of Sproul Hall administrative building, Berkeley, California,December 2,1964. (Photo by Peter Whitney/Getty Images)
     
  • “We have an autocracy which runs this university. It's managed. We were told the following: If President Kerr actually tried to get something more liberal out of the Regents in his telephone conversation, why didn't he make some public statement to that effect? And the answer we received, from a well-meaning liberal, was following: He said, ‘Would you ever imagine the manager of a firm making a statement publicly in opposition to his board of directors?’ That's the answer! Well I ask you to consider: if this is a firm, and if the board of regents are the board of directors, and if President Kerr in fact is the manager, then I tell you something — the faculty are a bunch of employees! And we're the raw material! But we're a bunch of raw materials that don't mean to have any process upon us, don't mean to be made into any product, don't mean to end up being bought by some clients of the university, be they the government, be they industry, be they organized labor, be they anyone! We're human beings!”
  • “There's a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part, you can't even passively take part, and you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop! And you've got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it, that unless you're free, the machine will be prevented from working at all!”
  •  

     
    Apr.9th 2008

    4/7/2008

    kiss goodbye

     
     
     
    Ultra Orange & Emmanuelle,来自法国的一个新晋INDIE乐队,组员是一如既往的瘦削与苍白。看Le Scaphandre et le papillon时,听见他们的那首插曲。JEAN-DOMINIC,想起曾去路德的那一晚。在与女友分手后,独自一人走在路德的街头,朝圣的人们从他的身边经过,他们手里捧着莲灯,他看见橱窗里摆放着缠绕着装饰灯的圣母像,他的眼里出现彷徨。导演把镜头焦点逐渐拉离他,慢慢地出现身边空旷的街道,寂寞闪烁一夜不停的霓虹灯,他之前人生所有的成功以及不晓得该如何去品尝的失败,那一个点,这首歌戈然出现,要唱的,其实也不过一句kiss goodbye,这个出现在记忆力的镜头因为和现实对照的强烈空虚感,而显得意味深长。对于Jean-Dominic而言,那一个夜晚他所感受到了尽管当时并不能了解的忧伤。
     
    If you close the door
    just turn off the lights now
    the world looks better into the dark
    between the curtains somebody's watching
    oh sail me the moon
    before it's too late

    don't kiss me goodbye baby

    I turn around since too much time
    those railroad tracks
    will swallow my mind
    I try so hard to stop waisting my life
    if only I could just make you mine

    don't kiss me goodbye

    Apr.7th 2008
    3/31/2008

    重庆记忆

     
     
    有关重庆的记忆。
     
    在我印象里,重庆是一个有着很多台阶的城市。从长江边上一直延伸至它的内核。它没有ROME STAGES的优雅,它是破旧的,甚至让人感觉不堪。它是一个典型的中国内陆城市,有着撇撇嘴就是上千的历史,同时也有着无所不在蔓延的杂乱和喧嚣。它甚至都不及成都那般讲究,尽管它们有着有如兄弟般一同成长的童年。比起成都逐渐低调慢腔的性格,它就像是从青春期起就开始愤青不停的孩子,所以无论过了多久,就算苍老和没落,它也始终保持着最初的骄傲与坚持。它是叛逆的,但并不就此逃逸,它始终就矗在那里,像是一个在江边闷着胸跺着足大口抽着土烟,一脸不屑而天真勇敢的少年。
     
    我从未去过重庆。在这之前,我一直爱着成都,但此刻却感觉原来离内心最近的却是这最直接而残忍的骄傲笑容。
     
    后记:去MoMA看的展览,这些照片在二楼角落的展厅里,基本上已经不属于看完大量信息的一楼展厅再会过多注意的角落。只不过也许是我偏爱的黑白风格,使得我在这些有关重庆的作品前面停留很久。用手机翻拍下的照片,尽管画质不比原作,但仍能感知其中的一点我所体会到的感动。
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Mar.31th 2008